Wink, Wink

When I was 7, my dad and Dave, a friend of my parents, took my 5-year-old brother and me to Disneyland. This was the original park in California, (Disneyworld, in Orlando was still years away). We lived in New Jersey at the time, and although our family was of very modest means, my father worked for TWA, and so travel was a luxury we enjoyed all of our lives. 

My parents are both gone now, but I wish I could ask them why we went on that particular trip then. My sister was three, and I vaguely remember some talk about her being too young to enjoy the park, but I can't figure out why they decided that my dad should take us without her and my mom. A couple years later, we all did go on another California vacation that included Disneyland, but that first trip will have to remain a mystery.

And to be honest, I don't remember much about it. I sort of recall the excitement of being on the airplane, and as both a kid int the USA in 1969 and a faithful viewer of The Wonderful World of Disney each Sunday Night, I just knew we were going to have an amazing time. But of the actual time spent in the Magic Kingdom, I vaguely recall the Mad Hatter's Teacups, Captain Hook's boat, It's a Small World, Pirates of the Caribbean, and the Flying Dumbos. I kind of remember seeing the Matterhorn, the Monorail, and the cablecars, but the one ride that really made an impression on me was the Jungle Cruise.

The red and white striped canopy of the boats, the sway of the gangplank as we boarded the boats and took our seats, the safari uniform of the guides, and the animatronic animals and "natives" are still very clear to me. Maybe it was because even at the age of seven I could get the jokey sarcasm of the "captain" as he narrated our tour down the river. Perhaps, for the first time in my young life I felt like I was part of the grown up crowd who laughed not at the jokes, but at how corny they were. 

In any case, you can imagine my interest, 52 years later, when I heard that Disney was making a live-action movie based on the ride and starring Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson and Emily Blunt. For a moment I could even smell the chlorine of the fake river and see the gaping maw of the hippo that the captain must always, always shoot with his pistol. How could anything billed as a cross between The African Queen and Raiders of the Lost Ark go wrong? And so on the first Saturday night of the school year, I suggested we check it out.

And... it was fine. Likable actors usually make likable movies, but it was merely a playful, tongue-in-cheek shadow of both the movies it was compared to, completely missing their spark and magic. And somehow? I think they knew that, just as they have down at the Jungle Cruise since 1955.