Only a Number

Maybe it's my imagination, but lately people have begun treating me like an old lady. 

In addition to being offered the senior discount every time I shop on Thursday, I've noticed that the staff at our weekly COVID testing always solicitously open my plastic bag for me and poke the swab through so it's ready to go. I appreciate it, but when a young woman actually snapped the swab in advance, it confused me and I ended up ruining the kit. I apologized and she waved me off with a bit of a testy "You're fine."

And when we arrived home from the beach the other day, one of our neighbors happened to be walking by with the dog. "Oh Jeez," he said when he saw the back of our loaded station wagon, "let me help you with that." 

It was a gesture I also appreciated, especially when he carried the heavy cooler and suitcases up all the stairs to our place, but when I thanked him I had to consciously not add, "We could have done that ourselves, y'know."

I am reminded of a story my mom told about 15 years ago. Early one Saturday morning there was a knock at her front door. She was still in her pajamas with no makeup, but the caller was very insistent and so she answered. Outside was a police officer who informed her that there had been some suspicious activity in the area that they wanted residents to be aware of. Just then his radio squawked, and he excused himself to take the call. "No," she heard him say, "no one's here but an elderly lady."

My mom was only in her late 60s at the time, and she laughed when she recounted the episode, in part because it seemed so ridiculous to her. But in the next few years, she began to complain more about being patronized or not taken seriously by service people, contractors, and others. It really made her mad.

Recently my brother and I were talking about bias. "Do you know there are only two categories on the Harvard bias test that I show extreme preference for?" he said. "Guess what they are."

I gave up.

"Young people and skinny people," he told me. 

"At least you fit in one of those groups!" I laughed.