X is for X-roads

Every six months or so we have to change our passwords for our school accounts. It's been my practice for a while to pick a phrase that is hard to guess but easy for me to remember, and over the years my choices have definitely reflected my headspace: a few I have selected are thisisbullshit, bekindalways, and most recently rimtorim2025. 

But when I received the notification a couple of weeks ago that my password would expire in days, I ignored the warning, uncertain about the content of my next login. The prompt has come as I have been struggling with whether or not it is time to retire. 

As many things as I love about teaching, I can't do it forever. The job is well-known to be an enormous time suck, and balancing work and life (never that easy for me) has become much harder as I get older. Add to that a new curriculum, the addition of intensified classes, mandatory professional development on the science of reading, and an IB reauthorization, all happening next year, and it seems like this might be the time for a graceful exit.

And yet.

I have been a teacher for 31 years, literally half of my life. Teacher is a huge part of my identity, and to be honest, my world, and I am really, really good at it.

And, as many personal projects and activities as I have put on hold for lack of time and energy, sometimes lately I look around my house and wonder if my life will shrink to fit within its walls. Who will I talk to? Who will I spend time with? Those social interactions will no longer be built into my days, and as an introvert, seeking them out is not necessarily in my nature. Who will I be and what will I do if not teach sixth-grade English?

Recently it occurred to me that working full time makes it hard to consider the answers to such questions, and it will only be when I am forced by circumstances to consider them that I will find the answers. Of course that means retiring.

But back to my new password. After much consideration, I chose 4mynextact, and I think that kind of says it all.

Life Lesson: I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you. ~Fleetwood Mac "Landslide"