2015

In October of 2014, Virginia recognized same-sex marriage, and for us it seemed like the clock was ticking. Heidi and I had been together for 16 years by then, and it seemed miraculous that we could actually get married in our home state. We were worried that our right might not be recognized permanently, though, and rather than taking the time to plan an elaborate wedding, we went down to the courthouse on New Year's Eve and got hitched by a justice of the peace.

Because I had spent my whole life without ever believing that marriage was an option, I didn't fully comprehend all the social and emotional weight the institution carries. For example, I didn't realize how disappointed my mom and brother and sister or Heidi's parents might be to miss the ceremony. I also never considered that after a lifetime of attending other people's children's weddings, that Heidi's mom would insist that we have a reception that she could invite her family and friends to, but that's what happened.

So the summer of 2015 kicked off with a dinner in Buffalo for 60 guests, complete with toasts and speeches and gifts. Our party was June 27, serendipitously the day after the Supreme Court decision in United States v. Windsor made same sex marriage the law of the land. Even though the guests were mostly conservative and Catholic, their goodwill seemed heartfelt. 

In August, my mom took us on an Alaskan cruise. We spent 10 days starting in Anchorage with a weekend in Denali and then a week aboard the Norwegian Sun sailing from Seward to Vancouver. I never considered myself the type of person to enjoy a cruise, but this one was magical. The scenery, the wild life, the history and culture, and even the slow pace of the days spent at sea were enchanting. 

After we got married, Heidi and I agreed that, as unlikely as it seemed, we actually felt different. Literally nothing had changed, but for the fact that we had a piece of paper codifying our relationship, but we felt lighter and happier. The shape of that summer was celebration and affirmation, a couple of things we got that we didn't even know we were missing.