Platitudes Aside

In the last four days I have been bombarded by peppy platitudes. As a returning teacher, I have been encouraged to Engage Educate Empower and also to Believe Engage Succeed. I've been urged to strive toward being the Guide on the Side rather than the Sage on the Stage. I've been asked to don the four hats of the effective teacher, Facilitator, Presenter, Coach, and Evaluator, and I have been informed numerous times that PLC (Professional Learning Community) is a verb, not a noun.

That last one? Just dumb and patently false. I get that they want us to know that our active participation in our PLCs is crucial, but don't tell an English teacher to call a noun a verb; I couldn't possibly PLC a damn thing.

You know what is a verb? Teach. And once again, on this sixth grade open house day, as I stood outside my class room greeting so many of our students and their parents and answering their questions when they turned up to see their new school and figure out just where they must go on Tuesday morning, I knew that I was born to do just that.

New Again

When I was a sophomore in college it was my habit to meet friends at our campus pub 3 or 4 times a week. We usually made it at 9:30 or 10, after studying or as a break in studying. I always had the same thing-- one Heineken Dark. There was something super satisfying about the mahogany brew, a little bit bitter, a little bit sweet, and awfully smooth going down.

I also learned to play Space Invaders then; the only two arcade machines they had were that and Asteroids, and the spinning carat trying to blast those chunky blobs of the latter game simply did not appeal to me. No, I much preferred the precision of destroying the linear ranks of those crab-like aliens and their flying saucers.

One of my friends, Todd, was particularly skilled at Space Invaders. He gave me valuable tips like stay to the left or the right and systematically shoot the invaders column. He also told me about counting my shots-- 22 exactly before destroying the first space craft and then 14 for each one after would make each ship worth the maximum 300 points. Of course it was a cheat, but in those days waaaaaay before the internet, how did he even know that?

Regardless of its source, it was all I needed to set the high score on that machine. Oh, how my friends cheered and celebrated seeing TAS at the top of that list! Heck! I probably had a second Heineken Dark.

Today at school, I hooked up an old plug and play TV version of some classic arcade games to the LCD Projector in my room. I figured that the kids would enjoy it on game day. These particular games were a few years beyond Space Invaders, but it did have Galaga, which in my mind was always the next step up from my old favorite. I turned out the lights and played a few rounds, and it was fun, but it was missing a little something...

Yeah, I cracked the beer open when I got home.

Wishful Thinking

Today I received the following message on my school email account:

I would like to discuss a business opportunity that offers the potential for considerable returns.

I work for a privately held manufacturing company, which at this time purchases a product imperative to its processing operations, at a price significantly above the manufacturing cost. In my proposed business venture, you would assume the role of stand-in supplier, providing this key material while retaining the same profit margins. My role would be to introduce you to my company as the supplier and to establish a contract between you and my employer.

I understand that your previous experience may not immediately relate to my field. However, this venture is more in line with your personal capabilities rather than your professional experience.

Please send a return email verifying your contact number and to arrange the most convenient time to discuss these possibilities in detail.  I look forward to speaking with you soon.

Kindest Regards,
Edward Wassermann  

Wasn't that nice of Edward Wasserman, complete and total stranger that he is, to extend such a generous offer? I do have a couple of questions, though. First, I would like to know who actually falls for such bogus bullshit, and second, I'd like to know why opportunities like that don't really just show up in your inbox.

It's Brain Science

We had an all-day packaged training at school today. As it happened, there were many practical ideas offered, and spending the day in the library with my colleagues actually relieved a lot of my usual first day back stress-- there was really no other choice, so I just went with it. My group of four was also awesome, making it that much easier to relax and enjoy the day.

Oh, I still have a philosophical objection to the merchandising of education; I believe we paid a lot of money for nothing more than a common sense set of strategies and the common language that goes along with a whole-staff orientation, but I am glad that we did not buy any test-taking and remediation advice from any subsidiaries of test-making companies. (That will come later.)

The session itself was generally engaging; the presenter very effectively used the strategies she was selling to get her message of structured cooperative learning across, and although I do have some concerns about extrovert bias, this introvert had an okay time. I even learned a few things, like for example your brain is constantly evaluating your experiences and sorting them into threats, opportunities, or neither (which are things to be ignored). Once you perceive a threat, your amygdala goes into hyper drive, resulting in a mental state where it is impossible to think clearly or even learn for up to three hours.

Later, when Heidi and I were debriefing at home, I asked her about one of the activities. "So, what did you say your ideal job would be? Dog training?"

"Yeah, with Cesar Milan," she said. "What about you? Park ranger?"

"Yeah!" I said. "How did you know that? I could barely think of ianything to say myself this morning."

She shrugged. "I know you."

Better than my own amygdala, apparently.

Stupendous, Indeed

Not content to sulk my way into the new school year, I invited my brother's family over for dinner tonight. They were just returning from a week at the beach, and so the timing was perfect, especially since Riley and Treat are off to college tomorrow and Thursday, Bill has business in Buffalo on Tuesday, and Heidi, Emily, and I will be in the library at school at 8 AM sharp tomorrow. Only Isabel and Sonic will be left to this life of leisure.

We had a really fun time, and a fun menu, too-- my dad's family recipe of tomato sausage sliders, served with fennel slaw, sliced tomatoes, and pickled peppers, delicious corn on the cob, and kale salad. We washed it all down with cold beer and followed it up with a South Jersey style peach and blueberry crisp and a variety of homemade ice cream, including a new one, cherry cordial.

We were definitely missing the other five of our family, but even so, I can honestly say that the evening took all the sting out of having to set the alarm in the morning.

Yeah, it Is

We're partial to Life is Good merchandise in our household. Each of has several T's, we also own pajama bottoms, water bottles, dog collars, pool toys, and a tire cover that bear that eponymous slogan. Oh, over the years there have been cynics among our friends wondering where the Life is Crap gear might be found, or criticizing the motto for being overly simplistic, or too optimistic, or just plain wrong. "They're just so bossy," someone once said to me. "I feel pressured to be happy whenever I see their shirts."

As for us, we take it as a reminder, an intentional way of looking at things, even when doing what we like and liking what we do seems impossible. Plus, they sell really comfy stuff.

Today, on our way out of the market, a young girl of perhaps 11 or 12 read Heidi's shirt. "Life is Good?" she asked. "It should say life is great! No! Life is awesome!"

We nodded and laughed and then parted ways as we turned to the parking lot. She popped up a moment later a few cars down from us. "Life is... STUPENDOUS!" she called.

"You're right about that!" I answered, glad for the extra reinforcement.

Buzz Kill

"Hey, did you see they caught a couple of sharks down at Point Lookout?" my friend Mary asked me yesterday.

I hadn't heard the news, so I whipped out my smartphone to discover the details. Two 8-foot bull sharks had indeed been caught just a few hundred yards from where we spent that idyllic day last Wednesday.

According to Wikipedia, the bull shark is known for its aggressive nature, predilection for warm shallow water, and presence in brackish and freshwater systems including estuaries and rivers.

And I was worried about the jelly fish!