Straight Up Crooked

I had the bright idea of adding shelves to our deck by screwing brackets into the 4x1 upper brackets. It worked beautifully on the back railing, so I bought another shelf board to add to the side. I brought the level out to make sure my work was true, but when I stepped back, the shelf was crooked. I put the level back, but the bubble was perfectly balanced in the center of the hash marks, so I stepped back again and literally scratched my head. 

I moved the level to the rail cap so I could take the shelf down, and I saw what the problem was. The whole railing is slanted toward the house, and so the shelf was objectively level, but crooked relative to the railing. I decided I'd rather keep it level, but dang! Every time I look out there, I see what appears to be a terribly sloping shelf. 

Sigh. I might have to "fix" that.

Well Groomed

That smells great! I thought to myself and glanced down the line of treadmills. Somebody was wearing a scent I really liked—warm with a little musk, but not too spicy or powdery. A little while later, I caught another whiff of it, and it honestly made my workout a bit nicer. 

It was pouring rain when I pushed my way through the plate-glass doors, and I got drenched as I dashed to the car. Dripping in the driver's seat, I opened the console and pulled out the little hairbrush we keep in there to comb my wet hair out of my eyes. As I did so? That same pleasant scent wafted through the car. 

I realized that it was my hair product, and had been all along; the smell was released by my sweating. At least I don't stink today! I thought and headed home.

Not Cool, Cats

The weekend schedule is a little more relaxed around our house, even in the summer. Most weekdays, Heidi gets up before six to walk with a friend and make sure Lucy has exercise well before the hottest part of the day. 

On Saturday and Sunday, then, she can be forgiven for trying to catch up on her rest and sleeping in. Lucy has no problem with that arrangement: it's been years since she got up even one second earlier than Heidi. The cats, however, have a different opinion altogether. It is usually me to whom they express their displeasure, yowling by the door to the deck as I make my coffee, and scratching furniture if that doesn't work. 

This morning, they had both been outside a couple of times before Heidi and Lucy made their appearance, but they were outraged, as usual, that the dog went out and she and Heidi took a walk before anyone was fed. I heard them fussing by the front door a little while later, and couldn't imagine why they were directing their fury there until voices drifted in, and I realized that Heidi was right outside, visiting with the neighbors. 

It wasn't a brief conversation, and I thought the cats were going to lose it, meowing loudly and scratching at the door, before Heidi came inside. I shook my head and looked at the clock. It wasn't even 10 am yet, but I guess that's late when you're used to eating at 7.

Not as Sharp as They Used to Be

I ran by the grocery store this afternoon after I was finished at the gym. The last gym I belonged to was right next to a big grocery store, and I often picked up a few things before heading home. Then, there seemed to be several other sweaty patrons like me, and the proximity to the gym was its own explanation. 

Today I felt a little self-conscious, though, because I had to drive to the store from the gym, and it seemed like I was the only shopper in damp workout duds. I didn't think I smelled too bad, but I kept my distance from other people as best I could, in case. I was reminded of a joke my grandfather used to tell.

An old lady went to the doctor, and when he asked her how she was, she said, "Fine, except I've been passing gas a lot lately. It's silent and odorless, though." She paused, "Oh, it just happened!"she reported.

The doctor nodded, prescribed some medication, and told her to come back in a week.

"How are you?" he asked at her next appointment.

"Okay," she answered. "I'm still gassy, though, and they are still silent, but now they really stink!"

"Well, we've fixed your sense of smell," he told her. "Time to work on your hearing."

DC Downer

There was some debate this morning as we tried to determine the best way to meet friends at the Lincoln Memorial to tour the new undercroft exhibit. Finding a parking space would be time-consuming and inconvenient, especially since we had lunch reservations at Equinox later. We considered driving to Pentagon City and parking so that we could metro, but the closest station was Arlington Cemetery, which required crossing Memorial Bridge on foot. 

We weren't against that, but the trip would take nearly an hour and a half. In the end, we decided to Uber, which would be comparable to paying for parking and subway fares for two, and Emily drove down and joined us, so it turned out to be quite reasonable and quick, too. Even though I didn't realize I had mistakenly booked the car for 11 PM instead of AM until 10:50, our Uber came by 11 AM anyway, and we were crossing Memorial Bridge by car 10 minutes later. 

As we neared the Lincoln Memorial, we were blinded by the new gilding on the statues flanking the bridge. The shiny gold looked gaudy and cheap under the breezy blue July sky. The new National Service Monument was a surprise, too: a pair of big boxy structures blocked the left and right sides of the stairs from the drained reflecting pool to the memorial. It is a temporary installation made of stone-facsimile-covered plywood and LED screens, sponsored by USAA and designed to honor every service member ever. I had the impression that many people would be glad when it is dismantled on August 23, although it was awkward to speak freely in the company of all the USAA employees and National Guardsmen surrounding it. 

The security to enter the Undercroft was very robust, and both Heidi and Emily were searched thoroughly. Unfortunately? The new space was underwhelming to me, poorly designed and organized. The promised film was brief and with very little substance, and I was disappointed by what I had hoped would be a cool new experience.

In general, the whole trip left me with a sense of wasteful decadence and the decay of the dignity that has always been a hallmark of any trip to the National Mall. 

Two Birds

I picked up my ukulele today for the first time in months. I think I was inspired by all the musicians at Vic and Julie's wedding, but it could have been the 30 minutes I spent singing "Friend of the Devil" to myself as I walked Lucy this afternoon. I just got it into my head that I could play it and sing it, and briefly even imagined being confident enough to have performed at the jam session after the rehearsal dinner.

"Can you play?" my friend from high school asked when she was here a few weeks ago and noticed my ukulele.

"Not really," I shrugged. "But I do work on it sometimes," I laughed.

"For me music is like a foreign language that just never clicks," she said, and I realized I felt the same way. 

Despite the years of French I took, I never achieved anything near fluency. "She's very good at the class," my high school teacher told my parents. "She probably just needs to get drunk in France and start talking!" 

It was the 70s, and no one considered the advice unsuitable in the least. Plus? She may have been right. Even though I continued taking French in college, I never did get over the fluency hump.

I'm not sure if music is the same way. I do know that I've been strumming away on my ukulele on and off for nearly 15 years. I've even had lessons, and I still can't say I play. Maybe I just need to get drunk in French Polynesia.

Eye Roll Please

At first,  Lucy was happy to see us when we got back yesterday after nearly six days away. But soon she remembered how put out she was to have been left behind. Cue the heavy sighs and bombastic side-eye, which we were subjected to well into this morning.