I Do Got This

On the first day of testing, I was suffering a crisis of confidence when the experienced coordinator disappeared, off to troubleshoot problems in individual classrooms. I was unsure how the testing platform worked and a little afraid of messing anything up. 

"Here's a help request for you," one of my colleagues in the command center said. "Two students can't log in to their tests in room 87."

"What if I don't know what to do?" I said.

"You literally helped hundreds of students start their tests when you were a teacher," she scoffed. "You can do it."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," I laughed as I headed out. 

She was right, of course. I was able to get both kids into the test right away. And when I returned to the command center, I figured out how to restart tests on the clunky platform, too.

"A teacher needs help with a student's behavior in 278," she said a little while later. "Wanna go?"

"I don't know that kid," I said.

"I don't either," she replied, "but you taught here for over thirty years; I'm pretty sure you can resolve a sixth-grade behavior issue."

I laughed again. "I'm going to express doubt whenever a problem comes up," I told her. "Just so I can hear you tell me how good I am!"

Can't Say No to the Boss

The bins were packed, and almost everything was ready for testing tomorrow, when a knock came at the door. Stopping my work on the sign-in sheet, I called, "Come in!" and was surprised to see the principal standing at the door with a small cardboard box. 

"Are those the bins?" she asked, gesturing at the organized stacks of materials against the wall with a note of surprise in her voice.

"Yep!" I assured her. Considering the test was less than 24 hours away, I expected her to be pleased, but she seemed a bit disappointed.

"I have these bookmarks," she held out the box. "One for every student."

"Uhhhh," I hedged, raising my eyebrows. "Can we give them to teachers when they pick up their bins in the morning?"

"They're in stacks of 25," she sighed. "It might take too long to count them then." She looked again at the 70 bins, bags, and baskets of test tickets, examiner manuals, and dictionaries, already packed and in alphabetical order. "I can put them in," she offered.

"I'll help," I said, and showed her the list of examiners and the number of students in each group. Then I opened each bin, placed the bookmarks she counted out and gave me inside, reverse-stacked them, and then restacked them when we finished each group. Only one basket of dictionaries tumbled out, and we were finished in about 20 minutes.

"I have something for each testing day," she told me, and I made a mental note to pick whatever it was up before we packed the bins next time!

SOL Week Eve

I dreamed about testing last night. Somebody somewhere needed to take a test, and I could not get there to give it.

It was not a nightmare.

A Good Night's Sleep

The handyman was arriving bright and early this morning, so in order to let Heidi sleep in a bit, I thought it would be a good idea to take Lucy out right before he got here. That way, she could take care of her morning business and greet him without barking up a storm.

That was the plan anyway, except that Lucy refused to get up. She snuggled in closer to Heidi every time I whispered my invitation for her to go out. Short of dragging her off the bed, which would have woken Heidi up and defeated my purpose, I could not get that dog up. When Heidi began to stir, I sighed and left the room, closing the door behind me.

I needn't have worried, though. I saw the truck through my kitchen window and opened the front door, so there was no knocking or ringing; hence, there was no barking, either. A couple of hours later, Heidi and Lucy tromped down the stairs, both looking quite refreshed.

Discretionary

"Are you going to be at school tomorrow?" a friend asked me at dinner last night.

"Nope," I said. "We only work as needed."

"Who decides what's needed?" her sister asked.

"We do!" I laughed. "As long as the testing gets done." 

"Sounds like a pretty sweet setup," my friend noted.

I could not disagree. And when I heard there was a lockdown at school today, I was doubly glad I'd missed it.

Animal Testing

Then there was the mouse. 

Four kids sat taking a standardized test in a tiny basement room of the school. It was the final makeup opportunity of the testing window, and I was initially just glad they had even shown up, unlike the seven other kids on my list. 

Each of them had a different story. One was chronically absent and just happened to be there today. One had been out sick for a week. One was completely test-avoidant and tried to miss any scheduled testing day. And the last was super anxious about doing well, and consequently spent way too much time on each question.

So there we were, about to enter the second hour of testing, and no one was even halfway through. That's when the test-avoidant guy jumped out of his seat. "There's a mouse!" he pointed, dancing a little jig.

There was indeed a tiny mouse scurrying along the baseboard at the far side of the room. "It's just that we've been so quiet, he probably thought the room was empty, and it was safe to come out," I told them. "Now he knows otherwise," I shrugged, "and he probably won't bother us."

"How can you be so calm?" the chronically absent student asked incredulously.

I was about to answer when I noticed that the student who had been out sick had her test suspended because she had been guessing too quickly. "Is it because of the mouse?" I laughed.

"Ya!" she shuddered.

I resumed her test, and although it wasn't suspended again, she was flagged for rapid guessing. "I need a pass back to class," she gasped the moment she submitted it.

Chronic absentee guy was right behind her, but the other two? Put their feet up on their chairs and settled in, one pondering deeply over each question, the other staring off into space, intentionally wasting time.

My attention wandered around the room, over the cinder block walls and scuffed tile floors, and I sighed, wishing that mouse would come back.

Gracklin Rose

We went over to some friends' house to let their old dog out, because they were stuck at work. Their backyard is small, but today, as I stood in the kitchen overlooking it, a wildlife drama was unfolding. 

A fledgling bird sat peeping plaintively in the middle of the grass while 3 pairs of grackles swooped around. At first, it was unclear if they meant to harm or help it, but then one of the iridescent purple and black males deposited some sort of juicy worm right into its gullet. 

I was still suspicious of the others, especially when the daddy grackle had to puff up all his feathers a few times, but in the end, it seemed like a cooperative effort. A little research revealed that fledgling grackles are ground-bound for 3-5 days. They are obviously very vulnerable, but their parents stay nearby to feed and protect them. 

Just as I saw today.

My Writing Assignment

My niece is graduating from high school, and it is a tradition at her school for friends and family to send notes of encouragement. On graduation day, each senior receives an envelope of letters. 

It's a nice tradition, but a lot of pressure! I have been stewing about the assignment ever since my sister forwarded the email a week ago. Over that time, I have been drafting and redrafting my ideas, looking for a thread to pull them together. Fortunately, inspiration struck last night as Heidi and I ran an errand at the dinner hour. "Look at the road," I said. "It's so clear!" 

Dear Annabelle,  

It’s hard to believe that you are graduating from high school! It doesn’t seem that long ago that you were a little girl sitting on the couch in the family room and strumming the ukulele in a princess dress, singing a song about all the people you love. I know that when someone is the youngest in a family, like you are in ours, the rest of the family may hold on to their idea of the child and overlook the adult you have become. 

But, in our defense, you were not just any old cute kid. There were several things that you said as you grew and explored the world that have become part of the shorthand language that Heidi and I use all the time. For example, when we told you how great your ukulele playing was, you explained, “I’m a bit of an expert at this.” And you were right! Your confidence and creativity were shining in that performance, and Heidi and I say that to each other often when we try something new, to show that we’re not embarrassed to be novices, especially when it’s fun! 

Another one of our Annabellisms started on one of our road trips back from DC to Atlanta. Somewhere in South Carolina, the traffic got so bad that after crawling along for what seemed like an hour, I just took the next exit and headed south on some back roads. As we picked up a little speed and cruised along past peach orchards and corn fields, you could barely contain your relief and excitement. “It’s so clear!” you said from the backseat, so perfectly capturing my feelings in the moment, that we rolled down the windows and let the warm summer air blow through the car. 

One more of our catchphrases was also from the time we spent with you in the summer. After a day spent at the pool, or hiking, or on a pirate ship, or shopping, or bowling, or mini-golfing, or at the aquarium, we would all try to figure out what the perfect dinner to cap off the day would be. “How about hamburgers?” I might ask. “Or fried chicken? Or tacos?” 

No matter if you liked the menu or not, you always had one question: What will Aunt Heidi have?” And we still ask ourselves that question all the time, not just for Heidi, but for anyone we care enough about to prepare a meal to share. It’s simply the considerate thing to do. 

Finally, whenever we see someone a little sketchy or suss, one of us will undoubtedly turn to the other and say, “Who dat guy, NiNi?” just like you did whenever you were watching The Lion King, and Scar made his first appearance. You knew who he was, but you wanted to confirm that you were right to be wary. That’s smart. 

So, forgive us when we think of the little girl you were and not the accomplished high school graduate you have become, but she was very wise, that little you. I don’t have any advice for you other than the advice you have given us over the last 18 years:

Try something new– you might be a natural. 
If the road is too crowded? Take another way and enjoy the ride.
Always think of others. 
Listen to your gut. 

 But you know that already! 

 I love you,
 Aunt Tracey

Trading Places

"I wish I could stay home with Lucy all day!" Heidi said for the umpteenth time.

"I can't stay home another day while the handyman works on the kitchen!" I said.

"It would be so great," Heidi continued.

"It's soooo boring," I sighed.

We locked eyes.

"Should I?" she asked.

"Could you?" I replied.

She could, and she will! Yay-- I can go to work tomorrow!

The Ides of May

I did not want to go.

But the deadline in our community garden to clean out your plot and plant something is May 15, and ours has been untouched since last fall. It's been a busy spring, and the calendar promises to stay full, so today was a window of opportunity I could not ignore. The only hitch was that the contractor bags I bought for the chore are in the back of my car, which is in the shop. We had four on hand, though, and I took those, knowing that when they were full it would be my cue to head home.

The minute I stepped out into the sunshine in my garden togs, tie-dye shirt, faded hat, and dirty sneakers, my attitude flipped 180 degrees. The day was glorious: sunny and cool, perfect for outdoor labor. Once up at the garden, I found the soil dry and the weeds quite yielding. My bags were full in a couple of hours, and I might have stayed longer if I could. My glutes will thank me for the moderation, though; they are already a little sore from bending and squatting.

I think I can steal some time a few afternoons this week to finish the clearing, and maybe even repair and top off the soil in some of the raised beds. I already have four tomatoes and a pepper to be planted, too, so take that, May 15!

Temporary Inconvenience

We have a handyman coming on Monday to replace the original fluorescent fixtures in the kitchen with recessed lights.  The job will require drywalling and painting the ceiling, so in preparation, we've packed the counters and pot racks. It's a lot of stuff! But, considering the cabinets and drawers are still full? I made bread and biscuits earlier in the day, and cooked dinner tonight. 

It was a little like fending in a sparsely provisioned rental kitchen. I think we'll make it until the job is done on Wednesday.

Back to the Grind

I remember this.

I didn't have to go to school today for my temporary job, so I...

• got my stitches out
• joined a call with another coach
• took the car to have that rattle looked at
• went grocery shopping
• bought packing boxes for the kitchen light project that starts Monday
• walked the dog
• had acupuncture

ALL that productivity crammed into a single day? Makes full retirement look pretty good.

Empty Pockets

"Do you have a poem in your pocket?" my friend Kerry asked me last Thursday. We were in the middle of administering a schoolwide math assessment, but there was a temporary lull in the action. 

"No," I shook my head, confused. 

"I have mine!" she waved a copy of Byron's famous poem, "She Walks in Beauty."

"But isn't it next Thursday?" I said.

Her face fell. "What? No way! I was thinking I finally got one over on you!" she sputtered as she searched the date for this year. "Dang it! You're right again!"

"I just happened to look it up yesterday," I laughed apologetically, "because I've been doing the poetry challenge in the Times."

She shook her head in mock disappointment.

"Next week!" I said cheerfully as we returned to our task.

"Do you have your poem in your pocket?" my friend Mary asked today.

"No!" I answered, aggravated with myself. "I totally forgot!" I sighed. "I guess I'd better fess up to Kerry!"

Old Habits

As I left school this afternoon, the late buses were gone, and my steps echoed in the empty stairwell down to the garage, where my good ol' Subaru was the last car left. I was weary, my eyes were bleary from looking at screens all day, and the job was not done.

What a familiar feeling!

At least I'll be off on Friday.

Nowhere to Hide

"What is it like being part of the brain?" a teacher asked me today as he was returning his testing supplies. "You're like a neuron or something now," he laughed, referring to my temporary position as co-testing coordinator.

"It is definitely a different perspective on the whole testing situation," I agreed. Then, gesturing around me, added, "We actually call this the command center."

He looked at the cinderblock walls of the basement office we were working from. "It definitely has a bunker vibe," he noted. "You'll be safe from any testing attacks down here."

I thought about the glitches and outages we had already faced, with the state assessments yet to come. "I wouldn't count on that," I sighed.

Use What You Have

"What happened to your arm?" a student asked me with a salty chin nod as I escorted him to the bathroom this morning. He'd been acting up in the makeup test session, so he required extra supervision.

"You mean this?" I pointed to the big bandage covering my forearm. "I had a thing there, and it needed to come out."

His eyes widened. "Yeah," I confirmed. "They cut a three-inch slice into my arm, and then they had to grab it with pliers and pull on it really hard to get it out. I have like ten stitches in there now, so it needs to stay covered."

His eyebrows were raised to his hairline. "Did it hurt?" he asked.

"No," I answered. "But only because they gave me four big shots of numbing. Even then, I could feel them digging around and yanking on it because it was so hard to get out." 

He looked a little pale.

"I know, right?" I said, nodding. "Hey, thanks for asking."

He didn't give us any more trouble after that.

Too Much Zen Ain't Zen at All

Twenty-seven years ago, when we moved into our current home, my sister-in-law gifted us a gold Godiva tin filled with hardware. "It will get you started on whatever you want to hang," she said. She was right, and that tin has become a catchall for miscellaneous screws and nails and other odd stuff ever since, stuffed so full that its shiny, round lid can barely contain its contents.

When I was on my tool-drawer organization kick yesterday, I ordered a box that held other little boxes, thinking that at last, I might get to the bottom of that tin, both literally and figuratively. And I was excited when it arrived today, immediately beginning a zen-like task of sorting three decades of tiny metal things into like piles. 

It was very satisfying and restful until it wasn't. I looked up an hour or two into the chore and realized my back was tight and my head ached from squinting. The dining room table was still strewn with hooks and anchors and nuts and washers and wires and allen wrench keys, so many allen wrench keys, but I was fried. There would be no more organizing today.

I was tempted to question the task itself, chastise myself for spending precious hours on such a trivial pursuit, but I restrained myself. I knew I was just overtired. I cleaned up, confident that another day soon I will return to this chaos and set it to order.

Tackling the Tiny To-dos

Today was one of those days when we actually tackled a bunch of the little things on our to-do list. The toilet hasn't been filling properly, so I replaced the fill-valve assembly. The switch on the lamp wasn't clicking, so I replaced the socket. I found the new hardware for the bathroom cabinets in the tool drawer and replaced those, too. Then I ordered some organizers to sort out the tool drawer itself; they'll be here tomorrow. 

Now that the danger of frost is officially over, I potted a couple of the dahlia tubers we purchased a month or so ago. Heidi cleaned out her shoe bin and swapped the broken one for the new one I found at the thrift store. She also went through her closet and found several items for the donation pile.

Does the house actually look any better? Not really. But we have a sense of accomplishment nevertheless, and such satisfaction may even fuel us into another productive day tomorrow.

The Farm Down the Hill

Back in January, a friend mentioned a new farm in our area. "Apparently, it's all hydroponic and artificial light," she said, "and it's located in one of the warehouses by the dog park. They have a weekly CSA."

I was stunned! Surprised by the proximity and the set-up, but also by the fact that I had no idea it was there. And even though I still had several weeks left on my traditional winter CSA, I signed up for a four-week trial right away. 

Again, I was blown away. First, they delivered my veggies right to my door, and second, everything in the bag was amazing-- fresh and delicious. They had found a fan. Soon, I was in for the ten-week, auto-renewing plan. The flexibility to skip a delivery at any time made the move a no-brainer, and their partnership with other local producers to include honey, lentils, and other pantry items to complement their fresh vegetables was a nice bonus.

The farm also did lots of community outreach, sponsoring tours and field trips to its facility. There was also an opportunity to order heirloom seedlings for my own garden, an offer I took advantage of. Today was the day when I went to pick up my tomatoes and peppers, and to be honest, I wasn't sure what to expect when I pushed my way through the industrial door. At 8 am, a few employees also arrived with me, and they welcomed me into the cavernous space, filled with towering metal racks holding all sorts of plants and a honeycombed ceiling of LED light tubes.

The person coordinating my order was not there yet, but another farmer offered to show me around while we waited. He explained the complex system that moved the plants through light and dark on a 24-hour cycle while also weighing them at certain points and irrigating as necessary. He showed me the seed-starting tables, the harvest and packing area, and then led me to another shelf with a collection of plants. "Wanna try some of the crops we're not quite ready to distribute?" he asked.

Just as I finished my oyster leaf and cleansed my palette with some wasabi arugula, a woman approached with my seedlings. "Thank you so much for your support!" she said.

"And thank you for your hospitality!" I laughed. "I love this place!"

Too Big to Fail

It was an actual crisis. 

More than a thousand students were in 80+ testing groups with hundreds of accommodations and special circumstances following a special schedule, but no one could access the online test. Several staff members were at the ready, monitoring a help request spreadsheet, while my ever-capable temporary testing coordinator partner was simultaneously on a video call with central office and a conference call with the test purveyor's support line. 

After more than 30 minutes into the testing session, no one could find a solution. Out in the hallway, some of the grade-level monitors and I brainstormed troubleshooting strategies and joked around with a bit of gallows humor. "I just want to point out that everybody is in a group with an examiner and all their materials," I said with wide eyes. "That was my job!"

Just as technical support announced that there was no way we could fix the problem until tomorrow, which was useless, since it would be nearly impossible to reset all the moving pieces in less than twenty-four hours, a couple of our own teachers suggested a workaround. Five minutes later, the fix was in place, and our testing session began.

Until today, I'd only seen high-stakes, standardized testing from inside the classroom, and I thought that was ridiculously complicated enough. But watching my colleagues pull together to solve an enormous problem and then troubleshoot the three-hour session, providing equipment, online support, and behavior intervention, I was witness to another category of complexity altogether.