Taxing

I've been filing my own taxes since I started earning money in college, but gone are the days when all I needed for the chore was the 1099 booklet, one W-2, a single INT form, a pencil, and a stamp.

Over the decades, a series of employer-contribution fund changes, home ownership, marriage, and inheritance have made my finances increasingly complex. Retirement and my new part-time gigs haven't helped either, and when I logged on to an online tax prep service this morning, the helpful bot who greeted me cheerfully predicted it would take only four hours and 37 minutes to complete the task.

I suppose I ought to be grateful that I have an income to be taxed. 

And I am!

Counting the Years

"How old are you?" asked a cheeky first grader when he sat down next to me at the literacy center I was observing.

"How old are you?" I asked in return.

"Six," he answered with a slightly insolent chin nod.

"I'm ten and a half times that," I replied.

"So you're a hundred?" he said.

Fortunately, it was not a math center, so I ignored his miscalculation. "Why don't you get started on your word family assignment?" I suggested.

Of Course

"Just so you know," the teacher whispered to me as I slipped into my observation chair, "there's going to be a fire drill at 8:30."

I laughed and shrugged, but when that high-pitched intermittent siren went off? I jumped. Then I got up, joined the line of quiet first graders, and exited the building through the door in their classroom. As we stood in the chilly February morning, I surveyed the school building. Built in 1952, it had the sprawling design of the elementary schools of my childhood: single story, brick on the outside, cinder block on the inside, with rows of hopper windows. 

At least we can go right back in, I thought, eying the blue door as a cold wind cut through my sweater. But that was not to be. Although the school seemed unchanged since it was built over 70 years ago, there was actually an obvious security upgrade. 

The classroom doors could no longer be opened from the outside. So we all walked silently down the sidewalk and in through the front entrance.

High Bar

The teacher had given the directions. 

"It's simple," she assured her students. "You know that one of the five requirements for a sentence is that it starts with a capital letter, so you just need to correct the first letter of these sentences," she pointed to the worksheet, "and then write them on the line below."

After asking if there were any questions or concerns, she moved to the focus group table and called a student over to work. The rest of the class settled into their task, and it wasn't long before a little girl slipped her paper into the green basket next to where I was sitting. "Can I see that?" I asked.

She shrugged and walked away, and I plucked the worksheet out of the bin and flipped it over. It appeared to be blank, except for her name.

As she bustled about her desk, pulling out her device and preparing to do the next task, I caught her eye and waved. "C'mere," I mouthed, pointing at the paper. 

She sighed and reluctantly returned.

"You were supposed to do this!" I said in mock surprise.

She pointed to lightly scrawled pencil marks at the beginning of each sentence. 

"Are these the capital letters?" I asked.

She nodded.

"You were supposed to write the sentence, with the capital letter, on this line,"  I pointed.

She took the worksheet from my hand and put it back in the basket.

"You're probably going to have to do it again!" I whispered.

She shrugged and returned to her seat.

Meanwhile, our quiet conversation had caught the kids at the nearest table's attention.

"What the heck?!" said one to the other with a look of utter disbelief on his face.

"She said it was easy," his friend shook his head, "but it's impossible!"

Ties That Bind

"Did you hear Ellen is retiring?" I asked Mimi about our dear mutual friend at bowling this morning.

Mimi was the assistant principal at our school when Ellen started there back in 1992. She was also a mentor when Ellen moved from the classroom to admin, and a colleague when Ellen was hired as the other assistant principal at our school. As it happens, Sharon, our principal from that time, and Susan, our Director of Counseling, are also in the bowling league; reconnecting with them has been one of the top reasons I've enjoyed bowling so much.

Mimi's face lit up at the news. "No!" she answered. "I'm going to have to give her a call and congratulate her!" 

A little while later, I heard her talking to Sharon and Susan. "We could have our whole admin team here!" she beamed. "Wouldn't that be something?"

Their smiles were as wide as hers.

Underneath It All

I spent my entire teaching career in a compact, self-sufficient school district. For most of that time, it seemed like we didn't care how anybody else was doing anything; we had our own way. It didn't matter, for example, when neighboring school districts started, scheduled breaks, or called off for weather; our central administration made their own calls. We were relatively small, affluent, and independent.

All that changed gradually over the decades I worked there. Starting at the turn of the century, with the Bush administration's No Child Left Behind Act, there was a big push toward standardization, and individual schools and their policies became more centralized at all levels —nationally, statewide, regionally, and within the district. We were all supposed to be doing pretty much the same thing and measuring our success with high-stakes tests.

But I digress. I sat down to write about how I used to only have to check one district to see if my day would be affected by school cancellations or delays, but, ironically, now that I'm retired, I have to check three: one for my wife's schedule, one for my bowling league, and one for my consulting gig. Some things can't be standardized.

I thought that was kind of funny, but now I see I still feel some kind of way about NCLB and all its unintended consequences. All these years later, I still resent the loss of responsiveness and independence that came with uniformity for uniformity's sake.

Magic AI Ball

I can't even remember why I wanted it. 

Something made me think a button that randomly pulls a post from my blog archive would be a fun addition, so I put an AI site on the task and asked for the HTML code I needed to create such a widget. 

Oh my lord! What followed was an hour or so of cutting, pasting, saving, and testing. I will say that AI is a cheerful, confident collaborator. In addition to reassuring me that I wasn't at fault after every failed attempt, it offered a perfect "final solution" (its words, not mine) at least seven times. 

I almost believed it would work before I ran out of free queries, but alas, no such button currently exists. According to the chatbot, the breakdown is a result of several factors-- the sheer number of posts in the archive, the clunkiness of "Blogger being Blogger," and some sort of indexing issue with Google. 

By the end? I almost expected it to say, Reply hazy, try again later.

Barky McBarkster

Maybe it was the fact that, in the next breath, after telling us that Lucy barks for hours when we're not home, our neighbor offered, "It could be ghosts, though. We have at least two down here," that I did not believe it.

"When is she ever even alone?" I asked Heidi, indignantly, "I'm here almost all the time."

"That could be part of the problem," my reasonable wife suggested. "If it's the separation anxiety we've seen in the past, the fact that someone is here most of the time makes the times when she's alone worse."

I was still very skeptical. So much so that I found an app and downloaded it to both my phone and my iPad, turning the iPad into a bark monitor. "Now we'll see about this," I said firmly as I locked the door behind us on our way to see the Oscar Shorts.

The barking started on my phone before we even got to Bill and Emily's to pick them up, and throughout the movies, I received dozens of silent notifications on my watch that Lucy was barking. Even so, I held out hope for false positives, but when we got home, and I checked the activity log, it broke my heart to hear Lucy barking almost constantly, and often desperately, for close to an hour on two occasions.

Assuming it's not ghosts triggering her, our attention turns to solutions. Stay tuned.

She Showed Me

I took Lucy for a long walk this afternoon, passing through the little local shopping center near the end of our sojourn so that I could stop at the pharmacy. Dogs are allowed in there, and in fact, if Lucy had her way, we would go through those aisles every time we were in the area. I also had a library book on hold that I needed to pick up, and since you can check materials out with your phone, I thought it would be easy to sneak in and out the side door with Lucy.

Oh, was I wrong! We were only a few steps into the library, next to the hold shelf, when we ran into two little girls who politely asked if they could pet my dog. As they were exclaiming over her, their dad came over, complimented me on my good dog, and thanked me loudly for being so accommodating. Next thing I knew, a librarian was at my side. 

I gulped, but before I could offer my apology, she pointed to the book and phone in my hand and offered to check it out for me. I stood uncomfortably by the door until she returned and informed me that there was actually another book on hold for me. 

Would I like her to find it on the shelf and check that one out for me, too? 

"Yes," I shrugged awkwardly and waited a bit longer. "I'm so sorry for the inconvenience!" I told her as she handed me my book. "Thank you for your help."

"You're welcome," she answered.

"I'll never bring her again," I promised.

She nodded and walked away.

Lose Lose

Declutter! I wrote on my to-do list yeaterday. Get rid of 10 things! And I did. I found ten things in my closet that I hadn't worn in some time, and I added them to the donate bag. 

Putting away the last of the winter decorations was also on my list, and as I prepared to climb down from the attic after stowing the gnomes, lighted tree branch, and window candles until November, my eye fell on another item that I decided it was finally time to dispose of.

I loved the small wooden rocking chair from the moment I saw it in the thrift shop back in 2018. The price was right, too; I walked out of there only $9.99 lighter in the wallet. It was painted a chipped powder blue, but I paid my grad student neighbor to redo it cherry red, and I took it to school. Everyone wanted to sit in that chair! And I didn't blame them, but I was partial to it myself, so there weren't many opportunities for others to enjoy it.

It was only a few months later, when I returned after a few days' absence, that I found it broken. The sub left a note that he had leaned forward when one of the rockers was under a cabinet, and it cracked in half. He was sorry, but there was no offer of replacement. I tried to fix it over the years: glue, screws, and metal mending plates all worked for a while, but it was unusable by the time I retired in 2024. 

I brought it home anyway, certain that in my retirement I would find the time to mend it permanently, but it has languished in the attic ever since. I took a hard look at it yesterday and, wiggling the arms and back, concluded that it was time to let go. As I wrestled it down the pull-down stairs, it pivoted in my hand and swung hard into the closet door, smashing a hole in the hollow panel. 

I cussed myself out soundly, took the rocker downstairs, and knocked it to pieces for the garbage. Then I sighed and ordered new doors for the closet, because that's another thing that I can't fix.

No Protest Here

There were so many high school kids on the streets when I was walking Lucy this afternoon that I checked my watch to see if I had somehow lost an hour. And I almost asked one of them if school was out early, but he crossed the street before I could. I was even more confused when a carload of kids drove by, and rolled down the window to address a boy walking down the sidewalk. 

"Dude!" one shouted. "Stop skipping!"

The young man smiled and placed his finger to his lips.

I had almost forgotten the whole thing by the time Heidi got home, but then, as she was telling me about her day, she mentioned the walkout that students in our district planned to protest ICE this afternoon, and it all made sense. Clearly, these kids were exercising their right to free speech by taking a free afternoon; today, they walked out and kept going.

To be honest? Given the demographics of that high school, many of the students I saw are likely directly or indirectly affected by the crackdowns. They could well be the people their classmates are organizing to support. And if so, I hope they had a nice afternoon off.

Holiday Collab

"Ramadan starts tonight, dear," a friend of mine told me this afternoon, and we commiserated briefly about the challenges of fasting, especially from smoking, for her.

It wasn't until later, when I was planning dinner (lucky lo mein noodles!), that it occurred to me that the Lunar New Year also starts tonight. And a little while after that? I realized that it's Mardi Gras, so Lent starts tonight, too. Such a convergence delighted me, and I had to find out how rare it was.

A little research revealed that the last time these three events intersected was 1863. Somehow, I don't think many people back then were in a position to even realize such a coincidence; the world was divided into much more homogeneous places, religiously, at least.

The next time? It will be 2189, and by then, maybe the world will be down to celebrate together.

Critics Be Darned

"Who says this is good?" Heidi asked as we tried to follow the idiotic rules of the game and the antics of the celebrities competing on the fourth season of the reality show Traitors. 

"I read favorable reviews in a couple of places," I replied a wee bit defensively, "including The New York Times."

She sighed, unconvinced, but she was tolerant enough to watch the first episode, where the cast was introduced, and the three traitors were identified. Then there was the matter of who the secret traitor was, who would be "murdered," and who would be "banished." 

There was enough of a cliffhanger at the end that we agreed to watch the next episode, but when our questions were mostly answered by the beginning of episode three, we had had enough. 

(Even though the Times had a brief feature today about the show, noting how Tara Lipinski and Johnny Weir, the figure skaters-turned-analysts for the Winter Olympics, have made murder almost wholesome. They really do seem to love them some Traitors over there.)

Shopping IRL

"Are you ready to go?" Heidi asked me this afternoon as we were shopping in the gigantic warehouse store.

"Almost," I said, "I just want to scroll down the garden aisle."

Clearly, I've had too much screen time lately.

🤔

"Is she going to make the pepperoni heart-shaped, too?" joked Heidi's brother when she was telling him about our traditional Valentine's Day dinner. 

We laughed, but...

That wasn't a bad idea!

Extra Extra

Our neighbor somehow received three half-gallons of butter pecan ice cream in her grocery order, so after being reimbursed for the error, she's giving some of it away. The grocery store's loss is our gain! I haven't had butter pecan in a while, but I do like it. 

A similar situation happened to me this week, too. I ordered two pounds of coffee late last month, which was supposed to be delivered right as the big snowstorm hit. We had enough coffee to make it through, but we were getting down to the wire a few days ago when I finally contacted the roaster about the no-show package. Customer service was excellent; they shipped my new order right away and contacted the delivery service as well.

A package arrived yesterday, and we were all set for coffee. And then another package arrived today, so now? We have double the beans. I guess I can offer some to my neighbor in exchange for the ice cream-- they will make a delicious pair!

Starting Early

By far my favorite part of my consultant/coach gig is spending time in first-grade classrooms. This morning, I pulled out a tiny chair and sat back to observe a focus group lesson with five squirmy kids. The teacher is good, and she had planned an engaging activity, so it wasn't long before most of the students were listening to stretched-out words pronounced in a choppy "alien" voice so that they could blend them back together into fluent earthling English. 

Except that one little boy! Every time I visit that class, his clothespin is either on "warning" or "lose extra recess," and I'm usually there before 9, so he must get started on his mischief early. Today, he couldn't fully participate in segmenting words with his hand because he was first fidgeting with his pencil. Then? He was reaching under the table for something. When his teacher asked what he had down there, he shrugged innocently, but when she held out her hand, he produced a piece of paper he had hidden in his shoe.

She shook her head and set it aside, but not before I saw what it was. He was hiding the worksheet that the other kids were doing. The teacher had given the assignment directions to the whole class before pulling his group to the table, and he clearly preferred that task. 

"At least he wanted to do work," I laughed when we talked about it on the coaching call later. "Just not the right work."

His teacher looked unconvinced, but then she nodded. "This is why it's good to have another perspective," she agreed.

On Tip Top Toes

I had an unexpected opening in my day today when one of the teachers I'm coaching had to postpone our observation because of testing that was rescheduled after all the snow days. When I got home from my other observation, I changed my clothes and went to the nail salon for a pedicure, since it was finally warm enough to wear slides to and from the car. 

Maybe I was channeling my dental hygienist and his observation about this being a week of self-care; I also had an acupuncture appointment this afternoon. Or maybe, after 2 sessions of PT and with the upcoming acupuncture, I was just tired of people looking at my snaggly feet. 

Either way? My toes look great!

Final Confirmation

Heidi's mom is turning 80 in March, and as a surprise, we are flying her grandson, Kyle, in from Nashville for the party. I spent part of Sunday texting him, researching, and finally booking his flight. There was a little confusion on the airline website; booking and paying for a passenger other than me was not as intuitive as it could have been. When it was all set, I texted his itinerary and confirmation number, and we exchanged our glee at the upcoming surprise. 

But when I woke up this morning, I had an email from the airline that I had canceled my flight, and when I logged on, the website confirmed that I had no upcoming trips. I checked my credit card and saw two holds on the airline charges, which was confusing, but I went ahead and rebooked the flight. Then I sent Kyle a message with the new confirmation number. 

This afternoon, I got an email from the airline asking whether I needed a hotel for my trip to Buffalo, but the confirmation number in the message was not the one I had sent this morning. This time, when I logged onto the website, I realized that, of course, I don't have any upcoming trips. Kyle does! And when I checked, I saw he had 2 identical trips: one booked this morning and the other on Sunday. 

Fortunately, the reservation I made earlier today was within the penalty-free cancellation window, so I canceled it. But then I sent Kyle a message that we were back to the old confirmation number. Except, we weren't. 

I think what happened was that when I was messing around with the passenger and payment info on Sunday, the website autofilled me as the passenger. When I changed it before finalizing the trip, it must have canceled my reservation and confirmation number and booked a new one with a new number. 

That's the notification I got today: my momentary reservation was canceled, but that's the number I originally sent to Kyle, so I had to send yet another text. 🙄

You Could Call it That

"So, what are your plans for the rest of the day?" My dental hygienist removed the spray and suction from my mouth so I could answer.

I swallowed. "Well, after this, I'm going to P.T.," I replied, and gave a thumbnail of my plantar fasciitis saga.

"It's a day of self-care, then?" he said as he resumed hydrosonically scaling my teeth.

All I could do was shrug.

Two Dogs Passing in the Afternoon

The sidewalk was narrowly shoveled, and it would have been impossible for Lucy and me and the guy coming toward us with his golden retriever to pass comfortably. Likewise, the snow banks on either side were substantial and icy, so it was equally impossible to step aside. From his distance of 10 yards or so, the man nodded in acknowledgment, backed up, and stepped into the parking lot he had just passed. As we approached, a look of relief washed over his face, and he smiled and loosened his grip on the leash. "They know each other, I think," he said.

It was then that I took a closer look at the guy under the hat and behind the scarf and his frisky golden. "Oh!" I said to Lucy, "It's Leo!"

Of course, the dogs had known all along, which may have contributed to Leo's owner's caution. Leo's excitement may have been read as agitation; he does have a bit of an unfriendly reputation. And the truth is, Leo and Lucy usually walk together with Heidi and Adrian, Leo's other person. As it is, Andy and I barely know each other at all, although I did attend his wedding last June.

The dogs greeted each other, and then were ready to move on, as dogs so often are. "Nice to see you," Andy mumbled as we walked past.

"Take it easy, Andy," I answered.

A Prayer and a Wing

"Let's have wings for dinner!" Heidi uncharacteristically suggested, and when I raised an eyebrow, she added, "Please! It's the Super Bowl tomorrow!"

"You didn't even know that until I told you a little while ago," I laughed. "What kind of wings do you want?"

She named a nearby Korean-style wing place.

"You want to buy wings for dinner?" I asked. "That's so weird." And it is. We never do anything like that.

"Fine!" she huffed. "Forget it! Make something healthy instead." And off she headed upstairs. 

I looked at my watch. It was about 1:45, and after a late breakfast of waffles (homemade!), we hadn't eaten lunch yet. So I picked up my phone and ordered a half-dozen double-fried soy-garlic wings to be delivered ASAP. 

Thirty minutes later? Everyone was happy.

With a Y

Lucy can be very persnickety when it comes to treats. In fact, she has been known to spit out goodies she considers to be subpar. Heidi accepts responsibility for some of this pickiness; she is very discerning about what Lucy eats, too. 

Even so, novelty often wins out. For example, today on our walk, we passed by a group that regularly protests the current administration's policies by waving flags and hanging banners on an overpass so that drivers on the interstate can see them. "What a cute dog!" said one lady as we skirted the demonstrators. "Is she friendly?" She turned, waving her flag as she did.

At the word 'dog,' Lucy turned and wagged her tail.

"She's not afraid of the flag or anything!" marveled the lady. "What's her name?"

"Lucy," I answered.

"Lucy with an i or Lucy with a y?" she asked.

"Y," I replied.

"Can she have a treat?" She showed me some Charlie Bears.

"Sure," I shrugged, knowing that those are regularly spat out around the house.

"Sit!" she said.

Lucy sat.

"Good girl!" She held out her palm gleefully.

Lucy crunched up those Charlie Bears like she hadn't eaten in days.

"What a nice dog," the lady smiled.

"Thank you so much," I said, and continued on, just knowing that Lucy is going to be looking for the treat lady any time we ever cross that bridge again.

Awwwww

Overheard in a sixth-grade English class:

Student 1: "Will you be the main character in my story?"

Student 2: "Sure! You already are the main character in my story."

Back on the Streets

Temperatures in the 30s felt downright balmy this afternoon, and I quickly unzipped my vest and shucked my mittens as Lucy and I alternately strolled down sidewalks, tromped through snow, and gingerly picked our way over ice on our walk. Despite the obstacles, the sun was shining, the sky was blue, and it felt great to be out and about after more than a week of sticking close to home.

What's Done is Done

On her first day back to school after the 10-day winter weather break, Heidi made sure to give herself plenty of time. Even though there was a 2-hour delay, she left here a little after 8 am. Before she headed out, I warmed up the Jeep and checked the parking lot. There were still some piles of snow, but no ice, and I gave her the all-clear when I got back into the house.

As she was backing out, Heidi noticed a van pull into the spot across from hers, and at the same moment, a blue sedan came around the curve and stopped to let her continue. And that's where her exit went to pieces. Mindful of the van and not wanting to keep the car waiting too long, she rushed her three-point turn and ended up with one tire spinning in the snow. 

I looked out the kitchen window when I heard the honking and shouting, and threw on my boots and rushed outside to lend a hand. The lady in the sedan was yelling out her window that she was late for a chemo appointment. I nodded sympathetically, but the Jeep was stuck, and Heidi was trying to get out of the way as quickly as she could. Meanwhile, a line of cars was forming on the driveway, waiting in the single plowed lane.

"I'll grab some cardboard and sand," I told Heidi. "See what you can do with the gears."

"She had plenty of room to back out further, and she didn't!" complained the lady behind her. "She should have kept going!"

"Maybe," I acknowledged. "But she didn't, and now she can't." 

"I was waving at her!" the lady continued. "She should have listened to my hand!"

Thankfully, at that moment, before any further discussion about the present versus the past with a cancer patient grew even more heated, the rear tire found some traction, and Heidi drove over the snow and away. 

And so did our neighbor.

♀ Power

"I feel like we should have a group hug or something," one of our neighbors said as the evening painted the snow blue in our parking lot. "But maybe not with everything that's going around." Her eyes swept over the circle of women standing in a newly-cleared parking space. The five of us had just finished breaking up and moving over two tons of snow and ice by hand to clear another space in the lot.

"Maybe a group high-five?" someone else suggested, and five gloved hands were raised and joined in the twilight.

"Shouldn't there be lightning bolts or something shooting into the sky?" I laughed. "That was a lot of snow!"

Fold Over

There was a time in my life when my to-do list at work might easily have included three hundred or so phyllo triangles, but that was decades ago. Even so, I found out today that that's a skill I may never forget. 

A neighbor of ours, suffering from a bit of cabin fever after being iced in all week, invited several friends over for a happy hour this afternoon. She offered to provide the drinks if we brought snacks. I had an unopened package of phyllo dough in the fridge, left over from Christmas, along with feta cheese and some greens from our CSA share that I had blanched and chopped. 

It was not a stretch to mix together a little filling, melt some butter, and start folding away. Our kitchen has a few exterior walls, and it's been cold in there all week, but today I appreciated the pastry-pantry temperatures that kept the butter, filling, and dough in perfect condition, allowing me to knock out three dozen little triangles in under 15 minutes. I think the neighbors will be impressed, even though they needn't be.

But we'll let that be our secret.