Tuesday, March 3, 2009


See? This is what happens:

Half my life ago, I was sitting across a small table from a psychic. We were as close as two diners in a Paris brasserie, and there was even a candle between us. "This means my spirit guide, Bartholomew, is with us," she had said as she lit it. I nodded, knowingly. She was remarkably accurate in her reading; I even have the cassette tape to prove it. She was the type of medium who mixed the spirits' guidance with her own catchy catch-phrases: "If you fail to plan, then you plan to fail-- don't ya think?" or "The way I see it, we have two choices-- stinkin' thinkin' or an attitude of gratitude, don't ya think?"

About 20 minutes into the half-hour, she says to me, "You have an addictive personality; can you see that about yourself?"

"Oh, yeah," I shrugged, pushing the corners of my mouth down, "I see that." At 23, I thought I knew everything, especially about me. At that moment, the tone of my voice, my posture, and my facial expression was dismissive, communicating that this was no problem. Who can't handle a little addiction?

Well, flash forward... it's been a bit of a struggle over the past couple of decades. There's no such thing as a "touch" of addiction, not in my experience, anyhow. Along with prosaic compulsions, my obsessions take the most unexpected forms, too. When I started this SOLSC, I was all about the fluency: pure writing for writing's sake. I posted my first entry without fan fare; I didn't even mention it to my family or friends. This will be a good daily regimen for me, I thought. Day 2? I logged in to post my second entry, and was shocked (shocked! I tell you) to find comments. I read them with wonder. Did someone else REALLY take time to read and reply to my writing? How cool.

But now? Oh, wow. I must have checked five times after I posted yesterday. What do you mean my post is waiting to be moderated? How long could THAT possibly take? Get it up there! I find that I'm also disturbed by the diminishing comments. On Day 1, there were four, Day 2, three, yesterday, when I started writing this, just one. Ironically, if the trend continues, this post may not have a single comment.

And so it seems to be with my "addictive personality". I often lose touch with what's valuable in any given experience by over-valuing it.

Any comment?


  1. Well, here's at least one ...

    This part of the challenge is hard for me, too. I want to do the writing for writing's sake, so that I can get back into be a more regular contributor to my blog (I kind of fell off the map after my aunt passed away in January) ... but I also want to know that people are reading and responding ... and I want to read and respond the them.

    There are so many people in the challenge this go-round. Last year we were a small handful. Now, it takes me forever to get through all the posts and respond to everyone. And I've only done three days! I'm really going to do my best to stick with the commenting, though, so you know you'll always get a little something from me!

  2. I feel the same way about my Huffington Post blog! I want comments and lots of them... for my own blog, I don't care so much but for HuffPo, I am definitely writing for an audience and I want the gratification, the visual evidence that people are reading.

  3. If you write it, they will come....
    there's my catch phrase. I figure for every comment, at least four other people read my writing, maybe more. I have always wanted to go to a psychic, a real one...but the truth is they probably won't tell me anything I don't already know or don't want to admit to myself. Cool post.

  4. That's the beauty of this Challenge... You get to learn about so many people from so many corners of this Earth... and they get to learn a bit about you too. Thanks for joining us this year!

  5. I look forward to "Walking the Dog" each day. (My dogs are glad I do.) You are a really amazing writer. (Too funny -- I still have a cassette, too, from the psychic that I sat across from half my life ago.) Brilliant post. Resonated... Thank you.

  6. I love (lovelovelove) your voice in this writing. Totally cool. I also love your message -- so much so that I'm linking you . . . hope that's okay. :)
    Ruth (TWT)

  7. Yes Tracey,
    I totally agree. You write a post, you want to share and see some readers leave you a comment. No way around it!
    It's hard to get back to everyone who posts and I do admit that I respond quicker to those who write a post and click over to me, read mine and leave something behind. It's logical.
    You might be interested in challenge that will probably return in May. It's a comment challenge for a month where the community is focused on comments.
    I am loving your blog and glad you raised this issue. We all think about it.

  8. PS.
    I don't write a post to get a comment. I have lots of posts with no written comments and I still love blogging but comments, are sweet gifts of connection.