Why We Can't Have Nice Things

"We don't have any handbaskets," a grocery store employee reported when she spotted me scanning the self-checkout area.

"Wow," I replied, "it doesn't even seem that busy this afternoon."

"Oh, it's not," she informed me. "We literally have zero handbaskets in the store."

"What happened?" I asked.

"Corporate came for a walkthrough," she shook her head. "We had started with, like, 400 baskets, and we were down to forty." She raised her eyebrows. "People were stealing them, so they just took them all away."

"That's awful," I said as I grabbed a small cart.

"Mm-hmm," she agreed. "Watch out, though," she gestured to my cart. "We don't have many of those either."

Cholesterol Highs and Lows

"Your good cholesterol is crazy good!" the PA told me at my physical. 

I may have puffed up a bit, because she continued, "That's good genetics." 

And when I deflated, because I hadn't actually accomplished anything, she added, "You could have genetically bad cholesterol, though, and you don't."

She did recommend a baseline cardiac plaque CAT scan, which I had the next day. And when I got those results back, zero percent, perhaps one of the few tests in the world where that score is the best, I wondered if I could take any credit for that!

Target Market

Target was nearly empty as I was shopping today, making me an easy mark for the phone upgrade people often stationed near electronics. Rather than be rude, I smiled and shrugged. "I can give you two minutes," I said firmly.

"Can you give me five?" she countered. "It could save you a thousand dollars."

"We'll see," I replied.

She was a very nice young woman, but our conversation may have rattled her a bit because she was having trouble logging on. "The reception is terrible back here," I commented as we waited for the slow circle on her screen to stop turning. "I don't know how you get anything done."

"Do you have any discounts on your account?" she asked, perhaps to pass the time.

I nodded. "We have an educator's discount."

She laughed. "I knew you were a teacher!"

I tilted my head. "How?"

"My mom is a teacher," she explained. "And you are a lot like her. Very direct and clear about what you expect, but nice and supportive, too."

"Thanks," I said. "You're five minutes are up, though."

Her face fell. 

"I can give you five more, though," I shrugged. 

Oh, Hello Punkin!

Yesterday afternoon, I made a quick run to one of the specialty groceries nearby, and I was overwhelmed by the sheer number of pumpkin products!

In addition to pumpkin spice coffee, cold brew, tea, chai, and hot chocolate, there was also pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin brioche, pumpkin cookies, pumpkin pasta, pumpkin gnocchi, pumpkin protein bars, pumpkin butter, pumpkin sheet cake, pumpkin spice chardonnay, pumpkin ale, pumpkin ravioli, pumpkin cider, pumpkin bagels, pumpkin croissants, pumpkin cheesecake, pumpkin English muffins, pumpkin oatmeal, pumpkin pretzels, pumpkin dog treats, pumpkin body scrub, pumpkin bisque, pumpkin ice cream, pumpkin yogurt, pumpkin samosas, and several varieties of pumpkins.

And that's just what I saw in my 15 minutes of shopping and 5 minutes of waiting in line to check out.

Get on deck, Peppermint. You are up next, and the bar is very high.

Supporting Role

Heidi had two old friends in town for a memorial service this weekend, and my being retired has really come in handy. Each of the three women was understandably feeling anxious: in addition to grief for their loss, there was traveling, hosting, preparing to speak at the service, self-consciousness for the changes that the years have brought, and dog logistics. 

Fortunately, I had all my time and attention to lend to making those things easier. The house was clean and ready, the shopping and cooking managed, my sympathetic ears were open, and I am currently dog-sitting a couple of neurotic pups. But it has been lovely. The ladies will be back soon, the weather is grand, the house is scented with (gluten-free) apple crisp, and there is actually a playlist of music purportedly composed to relax dogs.

It all works.

Missed Opportunity

"Where do they do the screening?" I asked when my doctor recommended a baseline cardio-plaque CAT scan.

"It's down in Shirlington," she told me.

"Oh! I know the place! Is it right by the car rental?"

She nodded. 

"Oh my gosh!" I continued. "I can't believe I'll finally be able to park in one of those reserved spots!"

"I know, right?" she laughed. "Whenever I'm down there, it's a battle to find parking, and those six spots are usually empty."

But? As excited as I was? In the end, I just walked down for the scan. It seemed silly to get in the car for such a trifle.

Perks

I never gave getting my COVID booster at the doctor yesterday a second thought. And when I had some leg aches on the injection site side later in the afternoon, I didn't make a connection. But when I woke up with chills, aches, and a splitting headache at 2 a.m., I started to suspect side effects. 

A dose of ibuprofen and another of acetaminophen a little later have taken the edge off, but I still don't feel good. Current situation: sitting on the couch with a blanket and a dog, sipping seltzer water and streaming TV shows on my laptop.

Boy, was I glad I didn't have to go to work this morning!