Digging Deep

"How were your snow days?" I asked a former colleague. He had scooted into the passenger seat in my warm car for a few minutes to chat as I waited for Heidi at school.

"They were great!" he answered. "After the busy holiday, just having a chance to hang with the family was awesome. We went sledding every day."

"I completely get that," I nodded.

"There was some parking drama, though," he added, shaking his head. Then he told me a familiar story of folks digging out their cars and others just driving over snow to take a spot when it became available.

"That situation really brings out the worst in some people," I agreed, thinking of our own community. 

Just the day before, we came home to find the space we had shoveled occupied by a resident from around the corner. Not wanting to leave one of our neighbors stuck, we pulled into a vacant spot and grabbed our shovels to clean out an extra place. A guy from across the way pitched in to help, and it didn't take long.

Even so, it was aggravating, and more so because we recognized the car and knew its owner. In fact, as we were leaving, our next-door neighbor was out shoveling, and she had expressed her fear that this particular woman would come to take her spot if she left it. "Oh, no," I had said to her. "That wouldn't happen!"

"Okay, Pollyanna," she answered.

And while we were out, Heidi and I had discussed going around to see if that neighbor needed any help digging out her car, because we knew that she lived alone. "I forgot to see where her car was," I told Heidi as we rolled by on our way home. 

"I don't think it was there," she said.

"It's probably in our spot, then," I laughed. But my mirth was short-lived because, sure enough, there it was when we pulled around.

"I want to go talk to her," Heidi fumed, "but I'm too mad."

"What would your objective be in confronting her?" I asked.

"I'd want her to move the car," Heidi replied.

"I guess you could tell her that you noticed her car was in the parking space we cleared, and you were wondering if she would move it since you have to go to work early tomorrow, and you're afraid it will be icy."

"That's all true," Heidi agreed. 

"You don't have to be mad," I added.  "People do stuff like that because they bank on never having to account for their actions. If you talk to her, she'd have to own it."

"I'm going to do it!" Heidi said.

And she did. 

And the woman moved her car... into somebody else's spot. But by then, enough people had done enough extra shoveling that there was room. Because, sure, this situation can bring out the worst in some, but it can also bring out the best.

Came for the Drama, Stayed for the Inspiration

Once I was sucked into President Carter's memorial service by the drama of seeing all of his successors and many of their political rivals sitting in three rows at the Cathedral, I continued watching out of respect and interest. To begin with, Andrew Young was on the pulpit, his body weakened by age, but his voice was as strong and compelling as ever. 

The eulogy written by President Ford and delivered by his son 18 years after his father's death was captivating from its opening words: By fate of a brief season, Jimmy Carter and I were rivals, but for the many wonderful years that followed, friendship bonded us as no two presidents since John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, and the story it told of honor and humanity transcending politics was heartening to hear in these times. 

Vice President Mondale also wrote a eulogy that outlived him, which was read by his son and recognized President Carter's willingness to take the long view of issues and make choices that could be politically unpopular but right for the future.

The Carter family eulogies delivered by grandsons Josh and Jason were testimony to President Carter's transparency and honesty and how his public and private personas were one. Jason Carter said, Yes, they spent four years in the governor’s mansion and four years at the White House. But the other 92 years they spent at home in Plains, Georgia. 

And one of the best ways to demonstrate that they were regular folks is to take them by that home. First of all, it looks like they might have built it themselves. Second of all, my grandfather was likely to show up at the door in some ’70s short shorts and Crocs. His words were an important reminder that President Carter, like any president, was just a man. A man of faith and service but a man all the same.

And President Biden's admonition of the importance of character and integrity was pointed and poignant. I'll end with a few of them here: At our best, we share the better parts of ourselves: joy, solidarity, love, commitment. Not for reward, but in reverence for the incredible gift of life we’ve all been granted. To make every minute of our time here on Earth count.

The Personal is Political

I did not intend to watch it.

The NY Times was live streaming Jimmy Carter’s memorial service from National Cathedral, and I happened to glance at the feed as they were seating President Trump and Melania. The two were the first attendees in their row, the second, but behind them— was that Al Gore? And next to him, was that Mike and Karen Pence?

The drama was too good to click away from, and I was riveted by Trump’s uncomfortable demeanor as he turned to shake hands with them in what was his first face to face meeting with Pence in four years.. He was still squirming a little when they seated the next guest, Barack Obama, right next to him. President Obama graciously shook everyone’s hand, including Trump’s, as he found his seat. 

Before I could even consider looking at something else, George and Laura Bush were shown to their seats, next to Obama. Bush seemed a bit befuddled, but he shook Gore’s hand and then Pence’s, but he totally missed Karen Pence reaching out to him and turned his back on her to sit down next to Laura, who was next to Obama.

There were two seats left in the row, and I knew who was coming next. The Clintons approached within seconds, and everybody, except George Bush, rose to greet them. Hillary entered the row first with a face of stone, followed by her affable husband and his aw shucks grin. And it was then that President Bush chose to engage: he tried to say something to her, but she flat out ignored him, so much so, that he shrugged and looked away.

The whole group sat in awkward silence, except for Donald Trump. He was talking Barack Obama’s ear off. President Obama nodded and politely and answered briefly from time to time, but he really kind of looked like the guy who gets stuck next to the inappropriately chatty kid— I think he might have shushed him if he could have.

But then? It got even more uncomfortable. Vice President Harris and her husband were shown to their seats, and when she saw that she would be sitting directly in front of Donald Trump, she made Doug change places with her. She did not speak to anyone, nor did she shake any hands. The tension was broken slightly when President and Mrs. Biden sat down, but there was a lot of program reading until the casket was escorted down the aisle and the actual service began.

More about that tomorrow.

A Walk and a Reminder

It was cold, frigid, really, when I bundled up in tights under sweats, a turtleneck under a hoodie, wool socks, and tall boots this afternoon to walk Lucy. The sky was heavy with gray clouds, and a chill wind blew, but I needed the fresh air, so we climbed the steps out of the complex and started a three-mile loop we often walk. 

Our route took us through the neighborhood and across a bridge over the interstate. Traffic on its way to and from Washington, D.C. whizzed by beneath us. The sun peeked out a little then, and I was surprised at its warmth. I could feel it on my face, and through my down vest, it literally warmed my heart a bit.

Even in the coldest cold, a little sunshine made a difference. I put on my sunglasses and kept walking, determined to remember the lesson in the days coming.

Managing Expectations

"The parking lot is clear," I noted as Heidi and I pulled up to Gunston on our way home from Whole Foods. "The sidewalks look good, too."

"Let's check Oakridge," she suggested. Just up the hill, the neighborhood roads were a little slushy, but the school parking lot and bus lane were wet pavement. "Damn!" she shook her head. "It looks like I'm going to school tomorrow."

"Let's swing by Jefferson and check out those neighborhoods," I said, but I wasn't hopeful. 

A little while later, we looked down side streets and checked out sidewalks as we drove down 2nd Street South. "That street looks bad," Heidi noted.

"And the sidewalks are awful," I added.

"But do the sidewalks really matter?" Heidi asked in return. "The school system has no control over them."

At Jefferson, the rec center was open, and all the outdoor parking lots were plowed. The conditions in the neighborhood on the way home were sketchy, though, and those sidewalks? Terrible. 

But on down the road, Randolph was cleared, and then Abingdon was, too.

It all comes down to the neighborhoods, we agreed; surely there would be at least a delay? Back at home, Heidi prepared to go to work: she posted her final announcement, chose her outfit, and showered. Periodically, we checked our notifications, and when the adjoining county announced they were closed, we grew slightly optimistic. 

Around 5:45 p.m., the "closed" notice for today flipped to a "normal operation" notice, and we lost hope. "Not even a delay?" Heidi asked in dismay. "I knew it!" she continued and added a few choice words for the officials in charge of such a decision. Then she texted her colleague.

A few minutes later, she received word that an operation announcement would be posted at 6:30. "Does she know what it is?" I asked, but there was no further information as the minutes ticked away. 

Heidi's phone buzzed. "Closed!" she rejoiced. "Phew! They had me worried."

90 and Snow

You might think that a snow day would be less of a big deal to me now that I'm retired and would be staying home whether the weather was wintery or not. And until today, I might have agreed with you in theory, but I was still a little giddy when the world turned white overnight. 

Of course, the fact that Heidi didn't have to go to work was the first bonus of the day, but we both still set our alarms last night: she to walk with Lucy and their friends in the morning, and I to start the newest 40-day meditation with my yoga guru. But 7 a.m. found me right back in bed, and soon Lucy and Heidi were snoozing, too, and not a one of us got up again until after 10.

The rest of the morning was taken up with coffee and breakfast as snowflakes fluttered from the sky by the trillions, piling up into several inches on the ground. A little after noon we headed out to brush off the car and shovel a bit. As is usually the case around here, we were joined in the parking lot by several neighbors, and working together, we made light work of clearing the snow that had already fallen.

Next on our agenda was snowshoeing. Some years, we toss our snowshoes in the car when we head up to Buffalo for Christmas, but most winters they languish in their bag in the attic, waiting, as we do, for a snow deep enough for them. Today, the conditions were perfect. We tromped up and down in fresh powder,  around and behind the buildings in our neighboring communities, and then back into our own, where we scaled hills and snow banks to make it home.

A fire, a phone call to my siblings, and my father's favorite dinner filled the final hours of daylight and evening. He would have been 90 today, and I couldn't help thinking that this was the kind of day he might have enjoyed, too.

Sunday Lunch

Since today was Victor's last day in town, I thought it would be fun for the six of us to go to brunch before he flies out tonight. 

"I was thinking of making reservations at the Carlyle," I mentioned to Treat the other day. Our family has been going for brunch there since both Treat and Victor were born, usually with one of their grandparents when they were living.

He got a bit of a dreamy smile and a faraway look in his eye. "I haven't been there in ages," he said nostalgically.

I texted the rest of the group a little while later to see if  11 a.m. was a good time. "The restaurant of brunch!" Emily replied, using the name the boys did when they were small.

Our party was in good spirits as we climbed the grand staircase to be seated. "Are you going to have the Squibnocket scramble?" Emily asked. "With the smoked trout?"

"Maybe they'll give us our usual table," I joked, and sure enough, the hostess led us to a round table by the windows, where we had eaten many times. But when we examined the menus that she gave us, we were confused. There was no brunch listed.

When the server approached our table, we had questions. "No, we don't serve brunch," she told us, and the expression on her face suggested that they hadn't for quite some time. "We do have some brunch specials," she added, "steak and eggs benedict or salmon with eggs, but that's all for brunch."

"Not even any beignets?" Emily inquired wistfully, but our waiter shook her head firmly and asked for our drink order.

The meal was very good; the company and the conversation were great, and we had a nice time. In the end, we agreed that we had nothing to complain about.

Except it wasn't brunch.