Q is for Queen

For years I've capitalized on the anecdote of the time I cooked for the queen. It's my go-to surprising fact about myself, the thing any student journalist can interview me about, something my students love to repeat. I can't believe I've never written about it here, but while a quick search of the 5,638 posts has turned up quite a bit about the show The Crown (too much, maybe?), there seems to be not a word about how food that I prepared was served to Queen Elizabeth II.

"Did she like it?" the kids always ask. "What did she say when you met her?" But the tale itself is a step down from the premise. I was working as a cook in the flight kitchen for United Airlines at Dulles Airport back in the early 90s when the queen came for a state visit. In addition to United, our staff prepared the meals for Lufthansa and British Airways, too. The queen and her entourage were chartered on the Concord, and when they returned to London we did the food.

Don't get me wrong; it was not a normal, run-of-the-mill day in the kitchen. The executive chef made the menu and he inspected every plate before it was loaded into the trolleys or portable ovens. Another question the kids always ask is what did you make? I personally worked on searing the duck breasts for the a l'orange, which was said to be a favorite of the queen, and I helped with the peach melba for dessert. Whether she liked it or not, I never heard, but no one got fired that day, and 30 years on, it's still a pretty good story.

Life Lesson: Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? ~Queen "Bohemian Rhapsody

M is for Mouse

I recently listened to a short novel called Sipsworth by Simon Van Booy. The gentle story was a welcome change from the previous novel I'd read, The Vaster Wild by Lauren Groff. 

Vaster is the story of a young woman who flees from Jamestown in the winter of 1609-10, the "starving time." The premise seems appropriate for a YA survival novel, but the book itself is no such thing. Before she runs, food is so scarce during a siege by the native people that the Jamestown immigrants resort to cannibalism. The flight itself through the winter wilderness is also brutal, and the story is not about survival, but she has no choice.

Sipsworth, on the other hand, is the tale of an 83-year-old woman who accidentally befriends a field mouse, and the novel is very much like a children's story for adults. It is sweet and somewhat unpredictable in its exploration of aging and living with loss through the relationship between Helen and the mouse she names Sipsworth. 

I thought of Sipsworth a few minutes ago when a little mouse ran across my classroom. By this time of year the mice typically have moved outside; their appearances, so common in the cold winter months, dwindle to few or none. Rather than timidly hugging the walls as his kin usually do, this little one today explored the open spaces fearlessly, scampering within a yard or two of my desk until I raised a hand and it retreated behind one of the bookshelves. 

Years ago, when a cat of ours deposited a white mouse, stunned but unharmed, on the doormat on his way in for dinner, we kept him in a tank of cedar shavings for the rest of his life. Even so, despite Sipsworth and Fibber (our mouse), I do not want to make any mouse my pet, although I guess I would if it became necessary.

Life Lesson:  If you ever look behind, and don't like what you find, there's something you should know: you've got a place to go. ~Michael Jackson "Ben"

J is for Joy

"My sister just got her driver's license," a student told me after school today, "and you would not believe how ridiculously overjoyed she is."

"It's exciting to get your license!" I defended her.

"She sent the family a video," he replied. "You'll see."

He pulled out his phone and tapped the screen, then turned it around so I could see a young woman in a very bright orange jacket recording herself as she sat in a driver's seat. "You'll never guess what I just did," she reports breathlessly. "I drove myself to the... grocery store! Then I bought 140 dollars worth of groceries-- Mom gave me the money-- and carried the three bags across the parking lot and put them into my car! Which perfectly matches my jacket, by the way. And now I'm going to drive home!"

The recording ended and I laughed appreciatively. "She is pretty excited," I agreed, "but I'm happy for her. She is finding joy in an everyday chore."

He rolled his eyes and put his phone away. "I gotta get going," he sighed.

"It's raining pretty hard," I told him. "Maybe your sister would come pick you up."

"I'd rather ride my bike in the rain," he scoffed, "than give her the satisfaction."

Life Lesson: Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth. ~Pharrell Williams "Happy"

I is for Impressive

"What can I do for a piece of candy?" That refrain rings through my classroom every day for those ten minutes between the last bell and the bus departures. Students try to beat my roll in dice, guess the card on the top of the deck, shoot mini-basketballs or magnetic darts, all in an effort to "win" a Jolly Rancher.

They're not wrong to try; they know I will not simply hand out candy for the begging, but I will reward a winner in fair (or lucky) competition. In general, they are very good sports, too, understanding that time is short and they only get one attempt per game per day. And it's fun to play, so much so that our games have evolved over the year as we look to add new ones. 

Today it was a group of four boys who stood before my desk. "Wanna try this one?" I asked, picking up a small deck of cards. "These are movie quotes and you have to name the film."

"How many?" one asked. "Five," I decided, "but you can work together."

"How many chances?" calculated another.

"Seven?" I shrugged. "Let's see how it goes." I drew a card. "Hasta la vista, Baby" I read in my best Austrian accent.

"Predator!" shouted one.

"No!" his friend immediately corrected him. "Terminator 2!"

"Yes!" I drew another card. "My mama always said, 'Life is like a box--"

"Forrest Gump!" they cut me off.

"Right again," I nodded. "Heeeeere's Johnny," I read.

"The Shining! I love that movie!"

"How do you even know these?" I asked. "They were made years before you were born!"

"They're classics," I was assured.

They missed a Harry Potter and a Mrs. Doubtfire quote but got "Just keep swimming," from Finding Nemo. We were on the last card. 

"It ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit--"

"and keep moving forward!" they finished together. "Rocky! We win!"

"Yeah, you do!" I agreed. 

"Can we each have 2 Jolly Ranchers?" one asked.

"Nope," I told them, "but I am impressed."

"I guess that's pretty good," he replied and held out his hand for his reward.

Life Lesson: I've known a few guys who thought they were pretty smart, but you've got being right down to an art. That don't impress me much. ~Shania Twain "That Don't Impress Me Much"

O is for Old School

The email was framed as a request for collaboration. Some colleagues were "crowdsourcing" concerns that staff had about the physical condition of our school building. "Unfortunately," they wrote, "duct tape and prayer can only go so far.​"

I was not surprised; our school opened in 1971, and as state-of-the-art as it was then, the last 50+ years have seen a lot of wear and tear, as well as the implementation of countless quick-fixes resulting in the division and re-division of many of the larger spaces in the school. As a result, there is not much natural light, despite a renovation project 15 years ago that added some windows and skylights. In addition, a minor earthquake a few years ago damaged the foundation, and the construction of a whole elementary school in our parking lot has made access to our building less convenient and less welcoming. 

For years students have asked me if it was true that our school was built as a prison, because of the square tower-like features it has in the rear. "No," I always laugh, "I'm pretty sure the architects had more of a castle in mind, kind of like the concrete version of ivory towers." 

They are not convinced, but truth be told, having spent the last 30 years there, I love the old place, and so I was appalled when I clicked the link to the document my colleague had sent and read the title: Reasons why our building sucks!

Life Lesson: Be true to your school, just like you would to your girl or guy. ~Beach Boys "Be True to Your School"

W is for Wait, What?

I was messing around in a music app today when I saw that Randy Travis had a new single. How can that be? I thought as I clicked on play and heard that familiar baritone singing "There ain't no more where that came from."

I love Randy Travis's music and I'm fan enough to know that Travis, just a few years older than I am, had a stroke 10 years ago that left him unable to speak, so I marveled at the medical miracle this turn of events seemed to imply. However, a little research quickly revealed that the record was created with AI, albeit with Travis's participation. To get to the final release, the producers input a bunch of Randy Travis singing and then ran a base track of the new song, sung by another guy, through the AI to switch the voice. After that, they tweaked the recording and got Travis's okay.

Wow. I guess there is more where that came from. 

But should there be?

Life Lesson: Oh, but now I know There was only one. And there ain't no more where that came from. ~Randy Travis "Where that Came From"

S is for Slang

"I'm boosting, Chat! Chat! I'm boosting!" my students were playing a group review game, and although this chatter was unfathomable to me, it seemed to amuse the group considerably. It didn't seem inappropriate, and so I let it go, eventually discovering that they were parroting live game streamers who ask their viewers to chime in using the chat feature. 

Skibidi Toilet, appearing as screen names that kids were choosing for themselves, was a bit more questionable but much easier to research online. The bizarre, viral series featuring toilets with heads coming out of them is notable for several reasons. It is the first big trend from Generation Alpha (its popularity is driven by viewers under 10) and remarkable in its structure: a narrative told completely in 60-second episodes. Some reputable news sources have even asked if this format might be the future of entertainment.

I was already in on rizz, slay, GOAT, flex, cook, and bruh, but it made me laugh when a seventh grader offered quite earnestly to translate any slang that might be confusing me. "These Gen Alphas," he shook his head sadly, "they are going to be out of control." He paused and then added with genuine relief, "I'm so glad I missed that by two years."

Life Lesson: (talking 'bout my generation) And don't try to dig what we all s-s-s-say. ~The Who "My Generation"