Monday, January 22, 2018

Tough Love

I have a student this year who is openly struggling with her family's mixed acceptance of her sexuality. At 11, she identifies as gay, and the response at home has been mixed. The issue is complicated by the fact that her biological dad is estranged from the family, and she has had no contact with him for several years. Even though she is pretty sure he would reject her even more than he already has, she longs to come out to him.

Emotionally, all of that would be a very full plate for anyone, never mind such a young person, and my heart goes out to her. But it's tough for me, as a teacher, when time and again, she uses her struggle as the reason she is doing zero school work. She has a lot of support from adults at our school, but she has never reached out to me personally. Last week, I kept her for lunch detention so she could complete a few assignments.

Right away, there were some tears. "You don't understand!" she said.

I raised my eyebrow and listened with sympathy.

"I think I do understand," I told her, "and I'm really sorry that you are having such a hard time." I paused and made eye contact. "But I also know that gay people can get their work done."

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